It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
