i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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