You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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