tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
