it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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