I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
