just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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