I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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