Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
