Barsexuality is the new black.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
