Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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