Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
