my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
