I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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