I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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