You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
