So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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