Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
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I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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