So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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