I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
