i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
