please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize