oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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