some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
