I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
