I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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