guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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