Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
