Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize