yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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