we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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