then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
