drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
where are my eyebrows?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
