Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
should my penis look like a turkey
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
