I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
