So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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