So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
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Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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