I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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