Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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