He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
