What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
