I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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