that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize