My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
