i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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