Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
