All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
