I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
