My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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