u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
