FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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