I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
