vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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