Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
