lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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