I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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