She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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