he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
