I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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