I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
