Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
