All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We had to coat check the pizza.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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