Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
