i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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