Say something about gay babies.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it because I queefed?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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