Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
