so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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