Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
