Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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