She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You took a bar mat shot.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
